Life’s Terms & Conditions – Read Before Proceeding!
Welcome to Life T&Cs, where we attempt to decode the fine print of existence so you don’t have to figure it all out the hard way. Before you continue, please read these totally unofficial yet highly accurate Terms & Conditions of Life. Spoiler: No refunds, no do-overs, and yes, Terms apply whether you agree or not.
1. Acceptance of Life’s Terms
By being born, you automatically accept life’s Terms & Conditions. There is no ‘opt-out’ button, and deleting your account is not an encouraged feature. You are here now—might as well make the best of it.
2. No Instruction Manual Available
Unfortunately, life does not come with a pre-installed guide. That’s why we exist—to provide you with tools to understand and navigate life. However, how you use these tools is 100% on you. No warranty included.
3. Free Trial Period: Childhood
Your first 12-18 years come with limited responsibilities (depending on location, family type, and level of parental trauma). Enjoy while it lasts.
4. Adult Mode: Now You’re on Your Own
At some point, you’ll be expected to ‘have it all figured out.’ Here’s the secret: Nobody actually does. Everyone is improvising—some just wear suits while doing it.
5. Emotions are Part of the Package
Sadness, happiness, confusion, overthinking, random existential crises at 2 AM—all are standard features. Learn to manage them, and life gets slightly easier. (Slightly.)
6. Fine Print on Relationships
People will enter and exit your life like pop-up ads. Some will be useful, some will be annoying, and some will infect your system with viruses (aka emotional baggage). Choose wisely.
7. Career Mode: Work is Required
Unless you inherit a kingdom or accidentally become a billionaire, earning money is essential. We can’t promise success, but we can provide guidance on how not to be broke. (See: ‘How to Make a Living’ section.)
8. Unexpected Errors May Occur
Glitches happen. Plans fail. Your favorite snack gets discontinued. Accept it, adapt, and move on.
9. Health Policy: No Refunds on Damage
Your body is the only place you’re guaranteed to live in forever. Take care of it. Side effects of neglect include regret, pain, and expensive medical bills.
10. The Happiness Clause
Happiness is not a permanent state—it’s an occasional guest. The trick is to find meaning, laugh often, and enjoy the ride.
11. No Reset Button Available
Life does not offer a ‘restart’ function. But you can always reinvent yourself. Change your path, rewrite your story, and keep learning.
12. Terms Subject to Change Without Notice
Life’s rules are unpredictable. Just when you think you’ve figured it out, the algorithm updates. Stay flexible.
13. The Mystery of Where We Came From & Where We’re Going
Before you overthink today’s decisions, remember: Nobody actually knows where we came from, and nobody really knows where we’re going. Maybe we’re a cosmic accident, or maybe we’re all part of some universal grand plan—either way, we’re here now, figuring it out as we go.
Life begins with a surprise: Congratulations, you exist!
And ends with a mystery: What’s next? Nobody knows, but you won’t be around to Google it.
Everything in between? That’s your story to write.
So take the adventure, make the mistakes, and laugh at the randomness of it all—because that’s the closest thing to an instruction manual we’ve got.
14. Final Disclaimer: It’s Your Life, Your Choices
We provide tools, perspectives, and insights to help you navigate life better. However, how you play this game is entirely up to you. Make it count.
Now that you’ve read the fine print… what’s your next move?
✔️ I Agree